So, out of a sense of total desperation to lift my state of both boredom and frustration I entered a video game store for the first time in years a few weeks ago and talked to the hyperactive salesperson about getting a decent computer game to ease my ennui. The result was me plunking down thirty or so hard earned dollars for the entertaining piece of tripe called The Witcher. I know I'm a little late to the party on this one, but here's a review

In this game you play Geralt a "Witcher", ostensably because he is a monster hunter of some sort but I personally believe the word actually translates as "one who has sex with witches" which he does upwards of four times in any given act of the story. Being that most of the women in the game have generous and lovingly rended clevage, and that it is established early on that Geralt is both A) Sterile and Immune to infectious disease, I see no reason NOT to go around boning every peice of ass I can get my hands on. I wanna be a Witcher too.

Back to the game, if you've ever played any of the Baldur's Gate/Neverwinter nights/icewind dale series, you'll jump right into this no problem. Play style is pretty similar, you can pause and issue limited commands in combat, and the combat itself mostly involves clicking on things a few times until they die. The designers attempted to allieviate this problem somewhat by giving you two different primary weapons and three different combat styles for each. With a "Strong" "Fast" and "Group" styles for each weapon, some strategery is in order, but not terribly much. The difficulty curve is well planned out, the writing is decent, the world evocative, and the voice acting isn't total crap. All of the side quests, usually involving killing some monster and bringing bits of it back to someone as proof that you have, while not original, at least make a modicum of sense being that you are widely known as being a fucking monster hunter. Fetch quests to rear their ugly head, but at least they are kept to a dull roar, and Geralt has the good sense to bitch and act indiginant when asked to do them.

The original version of the game had a fair amount of nudity in it, which was idiotically edited out in the american release, along with half the fucking dialouge because, as we all know, Americans are some breed of ape creature with the attention span of a gnat, that cowers at the sight of a couple of erect nipples and a little bit of fur covered vag. Thankfully, the good people at CD Projekt have seen fit to release a director's cut patch that puts all the nudity, dialouge, and blood right the fuck back in where it belongs. All is now well with the world.

In short, it won't change the world of video games, but it's a competent CRPG, and worth a look see if you've got nothing better to do. Now I'm off to bone more witches and vampires and shit. Toodles.

Surly

By the classic definition, a depression is marked by four quarters of consecutive negative growth. We're in a depression. Puts things in perspective doesn't it?

Found this wonderful image over on Warren Ellis' homepage. I'm ashamed to say that this was the first thing to pop into my head...

I have an interesting philisophical question about gaming.

As you guys have doubtless heard by now, our Changling game has been quite fun. At least for us as players. Our characters are not doing so well. To put it bluntly, we lost. In that whole, help a True Fae going back home and opening a direct portal to Arcadia (think Hell on a whole lot of LSD) sort of way. And our characters are standing right in front of it, waiting for some thing to bite off our faces. Please note, our total combat capability is an Ogre with a cast iron skillet (a purely decorative skillet), a stripper with a .22 and a 90's rocker with a kitchen knife. If we survive this, we then have to survive the wrath of Elena, Mr. Mannheim and every other changling in the entirity of the Pacific Northwest for putting them in horrible danger. So, we are thoroughly screwed six ways til sunday. The thing is I can't wait to play the next game despite all of this. It's going to be awesome.

My question is, at what point does a game become fun or unfun? By any definition, I should not be looking forward to that game but I am. Seriously at what point is a game a blast or a bust? What are the parameters so to speak? And how do things such as Gm temperment, group temperment, systems and so forth determine this?

Hmm me thinks it's been awhile...hwuhahaha!

Alrightie, as you all undoubtedly know by now, Obama has taken his wife out to Broadway like he promised he would once the campaign was over with. It was a day trip.

The nuttier portions of the Republican party (I know, I think there's one sane Republican in Wichita) have gone berserk. HOw dare he go on "vacation" during these troubling times? How can you spend tax payer money a small jet and blah blah blah?

Just to remind our dear readers (all two of you ) Bush spent 487 days at Camp David and 490 days at Crawford during his presidency. That is roughly two and half years of his presidency. This is not taking into account any of "little" miscelaneous trips he took to his parents estate.

Chris Matthews sums it up nicely

This is almost as bad as the "dijon mustard problem". I just wonder how strange the R's are going to get before they turn the bus around. Why don't they freak about the important stuff like this Prolonged Detention bullshit? Or Obama's flip flopping on DADT? Oh wait, they agree with that crap.

Kobolds are one of the classic monsters of D&D, but also one of the most pigeonholed and typecast. Ask any player and they'll tell you: Kobolds are comedic and bumbling little mosquitoes that hang around waiting for 1st-level characters to stomp them. But perhaps with a clearer purpose and origins than hinted-at Draconic roots, these one-hit-die beasties can become an opponent to make a party quake in the boots, regardless of level. For the very first week of "Are You Threatening Me," we'll re-examine Kobolds, the Black Blood of the Earth.

Long known to the Dwarves, Kobolds are a threat that stalks dark tunnels and hewn stone, forever carving their twisting warrens down into the deep embrace of their mother earth. While their bodies and minds are alien to traditional humanoids, their territorial nature and unbound cruelty are all too understandable. The Dwarves call them the Black Blood of the Earth, for they run through her twisting stone veins like a cancer.

To the outside observer, kobolds are horrible, savage humanoids that dwell belowground, toiling away in their mines and lashing out against any who would dare disturb them. In the worst cases, they will even crawl out of their holes and devastate surface communities, killing or enslaving villagers without reason. But to the educated eye, kobolds are much more.

Physiology

Like dragons, Kobolds are unnatural creatures, born of magic and the elements. Unlike dragons, who spawn where the natural magic of the world pools, Kobolds require a third parent: The toil and suffering of living humanoids. Dark mines and quarries, worked by slaves or the desperate soak up the sweat and tears of hundreds. With time, this abused mother births her children: a handful of fully-formed kobolds spurred by instinct to mine an entire warren. Five or six diligent kobolds can spawn hundreds more, carving them from the rock itself as they build their labyrinthine lairs.

Born fully-formed from the earth, kobolds suffer none of the vulnerabilities of youth. They also have less time to develop intellects or independent personalities. All are born with both the knowledge and the need to mine, and a vague awareness of language and other knowledges those who once worked their mines possessed. This awareness is more instinct than any refined knowledge, and kobolds never bother themselves with pursuits as pointless as history, art, or culture.

Kobolds are stocky creatures, though their exact appearance varies widely between warrens. Like most beings spawned by wild magic, they possess vaguely reptilian features. They are most often scaly or pebbly to the touch, with horns or frills growing from the head. The mouth is beak-like, though warrens in warmer or sandier soils often possess dog-like snouts. Most terrifying are their hands: oversized, shovel-like claws that can burrow through soil or stone with ease. Kobolds show no signs of sexual dimorphism, or any indication of having two distinct sexes.

Any in-depth study of kobold anatomy is hampered by their elemental nature. While they seem to be creatures of flesh and organs like any man, that similarity ends once their stony hearts cease beating and their bodies begin decomposing into rocks and dirt. They bleed as readily as any other opponent, but within hours they are little more than landscaping wrapped in a scaly shell. First-hand observations will note blood, as well as a complicated series of veins, bones, and organs, though these degrade quickly, leaving sages to guess at their anatomy.

Society
Their unusual lifecycle gives kobolds an odd perspective on the world: mining is life, and life comes from mining. They never eat, never sleep, and rarely tire. Indeed, such concepts are alien to them, as is the idea of leisure or rest. A kobold must mine, just as a human must eat or a faerie must dance. Tunneling through the earth expands the warren, gives birth to new brothers, and opens the veins of the earth mother.

The eldest kobolds in a warren often begin to develop a more complete psyche, often branching out from pure mining to building mining tools, crafting traps to protect the mines, and organizing the community so it can mine more efficiently. These specialized elders also display more independent personalities than their brethren, and are viewed as defacto leaders by junior members of a warren.

The only activities kobolds engage in beyond mining is defense of their warrens. To a kobold, the earth is mother, a mother only they can understand or appreciate. They view the greedy, grasping mines and quarries of other races as a rape of their beloved parent, and they respond accordingly. Abandoned facilities are simply "healed": kobolds reshape chambers, tear down or desecrate decorations, and realign tunnels and passageways into patterns more appealing to their mother's silent needs and whims. Active mines, however, invariably lead to bloodshed.

The age of a kobold warren determines its sophistication and the intelligence of its elders. Younger warrens are brash, almost animalistic. Their attacks are straightforward and, while violent, usually easy to turn aside. Older warrens, however, show a horrible cunning. Kobolds from such warrens are known to launch distractionary attacks and raids, destroy or poison an enemy's resources, and target leaders as they sleep. Old or new, all kobolds hate a stand-up fight unless they vastly outnumber an opponent. They prefer stealthy attacks against individuals. More often they will retreat into their warrens, with their twisting tunnels, deadfalls, secret passages, and traps in an attempt to separate groups into individuals or pairs to be picked off slowly.

Occasionally, a warren will take even more desperate action against those who have violated their mother. In these cases, they will leave the safety of the earth to track down the stones or metals pulled from human mines and quarries and bring them back. More often than not, this leads to buildings mysteriously collapsing and townsfolk being murdered in the night, rather than a military-style assault. The most unfortunate are dragged back to the warrens and enslaved, forced to mine until they drop in the hopes that more human tears will enrich the surrounding stone.

Many variations of kobolds exist; no two warrens are exactly the same. Those born from dwarven mines usually appear and behave differently than those from human mines or gnomish quarries. At least one major variation of kobolds exist: Slaggards are born from long-abandoned forges and furnaces, with fire running through their veins and ash for hearts. They exist solely to stoke the fires and burn the world down, often tearing apart forests or communities, or depleting entire coal veins in an effort to keep their heart fires burning and sift through the ash for new brothers. Slaggards are far more chaotic than Kobolds, and their communities rarely last long before being discovered. Lone Slaggards, separated from the nests and brothers, often make the short slide into madness and seek out humanoid settlements to burn. Slaggards have three hit dice, Fire Resistance 10, and can cast Burning Hands three times per day with a caster level equal to their hit dice. They are small sized, and CR 1.

Other elemental variations of the kobold may exist, but are rare enough that there are no verified reports.

Under the Hood: Mechanics
To bring the game statistics more in-line with a Kobold's new role, consider adding some or all of the following racial modifications to their Monster Manual entries:

• Monstrous Humanoids: Kobolds are creatures of instinct and preternatural purpose, and are as likely as not to simple become larger and meaner with time, rather than adapt any class or special training. Kobolds may advance in levels of Monstrous Humanoid, eventually growing to Medium creatures at 10 HD. At least one skill point from every Hit Die must be applied to Profession: Miner, which is always considered a class skill for Kobolds.
• Earth Subtype: Kobolds are birthed from the earth itself, and while surprisingly humanoid, still retain a connection to the element. Kobolds possess Electricity, Fire and Cold Resistance 5 and never have to make Fortitude saves due to environmental temperatures.
• Tireless: Kobolds work without rest or sustenance. So long as they remain belowground, they never need to eat or sleep, and never fatigue from exertion or lack of sleep. A Kobold can remain aboveground for one hour per point of Constitution, after which is becomes fatigued. This fatigue cannot be removed by any means until the Kobold hides below the surface of the earth for a full night.
• Alien Minds: The Kobold mind does not function the same way a human's might, and many concepts are completely alien to them. They receive a +3 bonus to resist and mind-affecting or compulsion spells.

Kobold Picks
Ever the utilitarians, kobolds rely on the same tool for both industry and defense whenever possible. Most notable of these multitaskers are kobold picks. Many kobolds instinctually gnaw on stone and rock; Sages argue that they do this in place of truly feeding. Kobolds themselves refer to it as 'suckling.' The eventual result is a ready supply of heavy stones chewed to a sharp tip. Reinforcing these leftovers with steel tips and braces and attaching a handle creates a cumbersome device capable of splitting stone or skulls with equal ease.
Kobold picks are One-Handed Melee Weapons, almost always small in size. They are top-heavy and unbalanced, inflicting a -1 penalty to hit but granting a +1 bonus to damage. A masterwork kobold pick negates this penalty and applies the usual +1 equipment bonus to attack as well.
Kobold Pick - 9gp - 1d6 (s) - 1d6 (m) - x3 - 12lbs

Elder Kobold
Elder Kobolds are those members of a warren who were spontaneously born from worked stone and long-forgotten pain. They are the progenitors of a warren, and often the most individualistic. Perhaps most importantly, an Elder is the purest archetype of kobold, suffused with the power of the earth, to which all other kobolds aspire. Occasionally, an ordinary kobold may grow in knowledge and purity, eventually becoming an elder, but the event is rare and takes decades of thankless toil.
Though elders still mine without rest, they often develop more unique personalities over time. Of all kobolds they are the most likely to possess class levels or organize complicated events.
Kobolds instinctually respect and obey an elder, though they can quickly identify a true elder or an imposter.

Elder Kobold CR 3
LE Small Monstrous Humanoid
Initiative: +1
Senses: Darkvision 90ft,
Speed: 30ft (6 squares)

AC: 18, touch 10, flat-footed 18
(+1 size, +4 natural, +3 armor)
Hit Points: 36 (4d8+16 hit dice)
Fort: +3 Ref: +4 Will: +5
Special Defenses: Immune to Acid, Resist Cold, Electricity, Fire 5; Immune to Fatigue effects, Immune to Disease, +4 to Fortitude saves against poison and +3 to Will saves made to resist mind-affecting or compulsion spells
Weaknesses: Light Sensitivity

Melee: Mwk Kobold Pick +6 (1d6+2/x3)
Or 2 Claws +5 (1d4+1/x2)
Ranged: Magic Stones +5 (1d6+2/x2)
Special Attacks: Magic Stone at will, Soften Earth and Stone three times per day

Str: 13 Dex: 11 Con: 14 Int: 10 Wis: 12 Cha: 8
Base Attack: +4
CMB/Grapple: +5
Feats: Alertness, Skill Focus (profession)
Skills: Climb +8, Craft (trapmaking) +9, Knowledge (dungeoneering) +7, Perception +10, Profession (miner) +13, Sense Motive +3, Stealth +7, Survival +8

Environment: Any Subterranean
Organization: Band (5-10 kobolds, plus one elder), Warren (20-50 kobolds, plus 1D6 elders), or Infestation (100-400 kobolds, plus 3D6 elders)
Treasure: Standard
Advancement: 4-9 HD (small), 10-15 HD (medium), or by character class
Level Adjustment: +2

Tactics: Elder kobolds have little more self-preservation instinct that regular kobolds, but they understand tactics and seek advantages whenever possible. When they can, they will ambush opponents in the dark, then retreat back into trap-lined tunnels or ambush points. They especially love using their Soften Earth and Stone powers to trap enemies in prime ambush zones, then release dangerous creatures or rain down ranged attacks. As with normal kobolds, they will usually fall back from a fair fight.

Elders are never found without accompanying kobolds, who will eagerly die to protect their leader. When multiple Elders are present, they will often stagger their spell affects, with one stalling opponents by softening the ground beneath their feet while the others outfit Kobold warriors with Magic Stones.

So this is going to be a weekly thing for me I think. I'd like to see some magic items that are easy to create and would be fairly common place in a mystical realm. We see a lot of magic items that are used in the D & D world for combat or overcoming obstacles but it seems like there should be some utility items out there that actually are used everyday or in the lives of the people that inhabit the world that are not constantly battling evil. In that vein, I am creating a... let's call it weekly column, that I devote to the many easily available magical items and everyday spells that enter the lives of people in the D & D realm. These items require no feats but instead require knowing a ritual and having at least one spell to construct but do require some access to being able to cast magic. The first series is going to be all about love. In that vein, I present, the Mariner's Candle.

Mariner's Candle
Cost - 50gp(minor), 200gp(major)

Mariners Candles are fairly common place, especially amongst the family of military personnel. These candles range from elaborate wax sculptures to simple tapers or even tea candles, but all allow you to tell at least the general status of one person who's been attuned to the candle. The attunement process requires a half-hour of uninterrupted meditation by the person for whom the status will be known. Once attuned, a candle cannot be reattuned. As long as the person that the candle is attuned to is alive and on the prime material plane the candles will never melt when lit(though large fires or magical fire will melt it normally). More expensive versions have been known to change the color of the flame based on the current status of the individual. These were originally used by the wives and husbands of Mariners on long voyages but were later adapted for military life and often issued to the spouse of officers who are going to war.

Faint divination; CL 3rd; Status; (minor)25 GP

The major Mariners Candles are almost always elaborate pieces of wax art depicting something precious to the owner or a token reminder of them. Regardless, the flames grow depending on the status of the person as follows:

Red Flames - Pain or Heat
Orange Flames - Normal
Yellow Flames - Charm or Compulsion effect is up
Green Flames - Poison or Disease
Blue White Flames - Coldness
Purple Flames - Energy drains or bleeding to death
A large flame indicates rapidly moving towards the candle while a dim flame often indicates rapid moves away from you.

Faint divination; CL 3rd; Status; (major)100 GP

Many military wives and husbands will put their candles in the window so that others can know the status of their significant others and offer their prayers for them to come back safely. Others have been known to carry a piece of their loved one(a vial of blood, a fingernail, or even a fingertip so that other spells may be cast if the candle ever melts). History acknowledges at least one was used as a means for a reincarnation spell that was triggered upon the death of the one who killed him. After a pitched battle in which a corrupted druid was defeated at the hands of a well known lawman, the druid companions retrieve the candle from the lawman's wife and replaced it with a similar candle. The dark sprites then returned to the druid's lair and placed the candle in a device designed to hold it until such time as it was permanently extinguished. This triggered the second coming of Ja'ordann and time of darkness in the area he remained. A nobleman was once known for making many of these and using these candles as an aid to help escaped slaves find sympathetic housing and places to hide. They would smuggle the candles in and out and then send them to allies to display in their home. If they approached close to a house that had one of these hospice candles the flames would jump and turn blue.

Seriously, his interview last night was one of the most brutal and encouraging I've ever seen. He researched it and dealt with Cramer in ways I never thought I'd see. Bravo. Nice to see hard-hitting reporting again. Sad that I have to see it from a comdedy show.

So, I've just finished up doing several illustrations and a cover design for Jonathon Jacob's RPG Blog Anthology project. I'd originally contacted him thinking it was going to be a fun but amatuerish gamer community project thrown together by some college student. Instead, I was happily surprised to discover that Jon is an intelligent and diligent gentleman who knows what he wants, is great at organizing others, and has managed to put together an incredibly professional product: OPEN GAME TABLE: The Anthology of Roleplaying Game Blogs. You can follow all the details over at his own blog, The Core Mechanic. While you're there, pick up your own copy; they're available through Lulu, Amazon, and Indie Press Revolution starting March 23rd.

Seeing all the brilliant work that others have done in the field of RPG blogging has also inspired me to beginning writing my own articles. It's been years since I stretched my authoring muscles fulltime (Not since my work for Palladium's The Rifter), so it may be a rocky start. I guess we'll learn together.

In the meantime, I'll be updating my gallery website, Clockwork Amazon, in the next day or so to include work from this project. Please drop by to see what I've contributed to the community.

MW4D has been renewed for another year. Yay!